Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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