Already got asked if we're dating
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I want her autograph on my taint
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
