Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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