She just used a chaser for red wine.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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