I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
