When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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