Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
