If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Randomize
