I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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