i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
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I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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