My brain says no but my pants say off.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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