Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
