Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Randomize
