At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
