dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
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He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
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We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
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