if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Randomize
