Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
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