I CAN MOONWALK!
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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