So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
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He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
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"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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