i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
