Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
