We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
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We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
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I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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