My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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