his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
