it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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