I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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