My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
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You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
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I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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