So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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