we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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