dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
You are a genius and a whore.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
