Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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