its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
