she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
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