booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I look better un-naked...
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
Randomize
