There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
