we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
