Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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