I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize