her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
