Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
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