how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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