i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
