I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
There's even glitter on my cock...
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