her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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