yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Shame - the story of my life.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
