Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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