His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Randomize
