I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
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