YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Randomize
