My room smells like vodka and shame
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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