shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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