Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Randomize
