Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
