I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
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