so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
