More tranny stories later!
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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