so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
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Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
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I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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