I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
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